dude really does look like a lady. or lady looks like a dude.

so tonight i'm going back to hamburger mary's with monique and christie and hopefully trish will go this time. it's hard to believe that all the times i've hung out with trish, we have never partied together. it was always to just hang out and try to come up with genius songs that at the time seemed genius but i later realized were just silly. once her dad told us his entire motorcyle route through every part of LA, the valley, the mountains, etc, in extensive detail. as i sat there listening, cause to me it really was sort of interesting, trish played a little tune on her bass guitar just out of boredom. after her dad left, we had this lightbulb idea that we would record his monotone voice talking about whatever, motorcycle rides, the contemplation of life, anything, and have her do a random repetitive bass tune while i would come in randomly with some fuzzy guitar nonsense. we were going to record 4 songs and try to send them to all the indie labels in LA. of course, we never found the motivation to actually go through with it.

hopefully i don't get too drunk tonight and embarrass myself by telling cute boys that they are really cute, only to find out they are girls. i'm interested in a boy if he looks like a boy. a girl that looks exactly like a boy...no thank you. i'll pass on the boys don't cry look.

i conquered mt. olympus

okay well, mt. olympus in los angeles, not greece. there's this neat little neighborhood right off of laurel canyon in hollywood, called mt. olympus. andrea and i decided to hike it even though to say we 'hiked' it sounds kind of misleading. it's just a regular neighborhood with houses and driveways and trees and all that. but because it is built right onto the side of a couple of big hills, to walk up mt. olympus drive is semi-torturous. one need only to lean over slightly and you could be crawling up the street instead of just walking it. i was very proud of us. we parked at the bottom of the hill and went all the way to the top. the view was AMAZING. you could see downtown LA, and on one side you could see the san gabriel and san bernadino mountains. for some reason the smog cleared out (probably because it rained the day before). normally you'd look out at a view like that and vaguely be able to make out the city below you. but yesterday was just crystal and lovely.

okay well for some reason i'm having trouble posting these as pictures cause motherfucking blogger is not accepting the tags...so i'll just post links instead.

view from mt. olympus on a smoggy day...
http://www.goodart.org/olympla.jpg


a flatter part of the street but if you look, at what appears to be the end of the street, it's actually a pretty steep downhill...
http://www.goodart.org/olymphol.jpg

portions for foxes

http://www.rilokiley.com/

the song called 'Portions For Foxes'...

This song reminds me of last summer…of hangover Saturday mornings, of not wanting to walk the dog cause I’m so dizzy, of the warm warm warm sun, of wearing khakis and tshirts and flip flops and just generally being mismatched, of pink sunglasses, of calling everyone while I’m walking so I don’t have to be bored, of Sunday mornings talking to my new friends I’ve made on the love and madness board, of chatting with jon in the chat room, of 2-hour long phone calls with chris over the latest karmi musings about jesus and tina motherfucking yothers and grandmas in leopard skin coats and bibley belts, of lazy days at the santa monica beach that Kristi always wanted to go to even though she knew I always got poked in the ass with plastic sporks, of getting too tanned, of making sure we put enough sunscreen on our brand new tattoos, of reading about Britney and Kevin Airline in the latest issue of US magazine that Andrea’s doctor mom sends us from her waiting room, of warm nights at the bars with kate, talking about vicodin and life’s dreams and sexuality and ex boyfriends, of art exhibits in the Beverly hills park, of being sad that come the end of summer, kate would be moving back to Wisconsin, of ballet flats and Capri jeans.

I’m hoping this summer will be just as good as last year’s. I’m sure it will be. Removing toxic people from your life can do that. I’m looking forward to being fun again, to finding the girl in me that made everyone laugh. She’s healing, and she’ll be here soon enough (I mean that in the most psychotic-less way possible).

do i have your attention?

www.thebloodarm.com

ahh this band is playing friday night and it's only $8...but i am already going to see samantha and the ritual friday night in santa ana.

i am SO hungover today. and cannot be bothered to even get up to buy food at the cafe. i wish someone could deliver greasy mcdonald's food to me. that's the best hangover food.

end of pointless blog entry.

brain detail

JULES: Ah man, I will never forgive your ass for this shit. This is some fucked-up repugnant shit!

VINCENT: Did you ever hear the philosophy that once a man admits he's wrong, he’s immediately forgiven for all wrong-doings?

JULES: Man, get outta my face with that shit! The motherfucker who said that never had to pick up itty- bitty pieces of skull with his fingers on account of your dumb ass.

VINCENT: I got a threshold, Jules. I got a threshold for the abuse I'll take. And you're crossin' it. I'm a race car and you got me in the red. Redline 7000, that's where you are. Just know, it's fuckin' dangerous to be drivin' a race car when it's in the red. I could blow.

JULES: Oh, you're gettin' ready to blow? Well, I'm a mushroom-cloud-layin' motherfucker, motherfucker! Every time my fingers touch brain I'm "SUPERFLY T.N.T," I'm the "GUNS OF NAVARONE”. In fact, what the fuck am I doin' in the back!? You're the motherfucker should be on brain detail. We're tradin'. I'm washin' windows and you're pickin' up this nigger's skull.

coke really IS addictive!

i swear to god they still put trace amounts of cocaine in coca-cola classic. this shit is addicting! i remember christmas break from college, i bought a 12 pack of coke. mind you, all while i was at school i was only drinking water and the occasional strawberry soda (i have an affection for red or pink drinks, the brighter and more man-made the color, the better - pink lemonade, Hi-C fruit punch, strawberry milkshakes). so for nearly 3 weeks straight, i drank nothing but coke. and not just any coke - genuine cherry cokes like they used to have at 50s diners. on a side note, this was my favorite beverage anytime my parents would take us to a nightclub...not a nightclub akin to a night at the roxbury, but the kind that plays lounge music where everyone just sits and chills. my parents loved to go out and didn't see any reason to leave me and my brother at home so we got to go too. i loved it and always had a blast. the point being that my favorite virgin bar beverage was a roy rogers (coca-cola with cherry syrup and extra maraschino cherries). this may be why i have a soft spot in my heart for this particular drink...good memories. anyway, for the full 3 weeks i had nothing but cokes with Tarani syrup and maraschino cherries. side point number two: my friend andrea and i are absolutely convinced that maraschino cherries are synthetic. why do we think this? a) how are they pitted with absolutely no hole? even an olive has a perfectly carved out hole at the point of extraction. b) how the fuck is the damn thing so uniform in color? cherries are usually darker, never uniform in hue, and not ever THAT pretty. c) the stem is the EXACT same color as the fruit. a cherry stem is neither the color of a fire engine nor a candy apple. but i digress. when i went back to school i made a vow to myself that i'd go back to drinking water and would not buy any cokes whatsoever, least of all a full 12 pack. but something strange happened - i noticed myself going through a weird form of withdrawal. i'd have these intense cravings wherein once i started thinking i wanted a coke, i could not stop thinking about it all day. a few days after i got back, my roommate had a single bottle of coke in the refrigerator. she also wasn't home. you can guess what happened (and yes, i replaced it). i felt the biggest sense of relief, having been given such a glorious opportunity to appease my 'fix'. from that moment on, i refused to drink a coke for the remainder of the school year. and slowly but surely, the cravings subsided. what, did you think i was going to write about a bank-breaking, family-splitting cocaine addiction? never touched the stuff.

le sigh

remember the pepe le pew cartoons? and the cat who was his love interest would try to run away from him cause he was super pretentious and smelled bad (poor guy though, it wasn't really his fault. he was a skunk for gods sake), and everytime she stopped to catch her breath she'd say 'le sigh, le pant'. yeah anyway...

so today is a weird mood kind of day. i hate how i can go from being really pretty okay to feeling full of despair and a momentary yet somehow lingering feeling of hopelessness. i think of the days where i feel okay. what's different? how am i okay then and not right this minute? i guess i know the answers. but i'd rather not know. or not think about them. i suppose the mood sort of started yesterday afternoon. passing the gas station at broad beach. and knowing i was there one day. i hope andrea couldn't tell my mood changed, as i tried to keep the happy face which is something i find myself doing from time to time. friends will ask 'cathy what's wrong, you seem sad today...' and the answer has become routine...'oh no, i'm fine (insert what i hope looks like a genuine smile here)'. it's just that i'm sick of hearing myself talk about things that aren't really worth being sad over. i'm sick of introspection, i'm sick of trying to be in someone else's head, i'm sick of them trying to get me into their head then pushing me out when it becomes too much, i'm sick of being pulled in then seemingly and carelessly being shoved away, i'm sick of being kept at an emotional arm's length away, i'm sick of distance, i'm sick of differing levels of maturity, i'm sick of time zones. i feel like they're all on the right time, and i'm 8 and 9 hours left behind.

i should go outside and walk the dog and enjoy the sun but for some reason it seems like such effort. and i have to do laundry but i ran out of quarters. laundry machines should be fucking free. we already pay an arm and a leg just to live here. the selfish greedy bastards.

le tear, le allergies, le sigh.